The funeral service for my grandfather was on Saturday and we are finally home. It's weird to think we're going to go about life as normal knowing he'll no longer be there for questions only grandpa would know. The service was beautiful. Since he was a retired police officer and long time friends with the current Oklahoma County Sheriff he had a full police escort along with an honor guard (roughly about 20 police officers) at the funeral. The guard even did the 21 gun salute which jars me every time I have to sit through the shots. Granny lovingly gave me three of the shells from the guns. One for Rex, Astoria, and myself, we will always cherish them. One of his requests was that the song 'The Saints Go Marching In' be played at the funeral. We did even better. A Shriner band came to the graveside and played at the end of the service (he was a 32nd degree Mason and a Shriner as well). We found out they would be coming about a week before he passed and he laughed and said 'good'. It's just what he would have wanted.
The service was beautiful. My cousins and uncle led the service. They told stories of our days growing up with grandpa. The main theme was 'there is the right way, the wrong way, and grandpa's way'. Even now I can hear him in my head telling me things I should and shouldn't do. It will be a long time before we all completely heal, if we ever will. We miss him dearly!
I'm officially 19 weeks along. It's amazing to think that next week I'll be halfway through my pregnancy. I've started feeling her every now and again. Mainly when I'm bending over doing things. It feels like she's doing complete body rolls. Mere calls them alligator rolls. Finding clothes is still difficult. My wedding rings no longer fit so I've moved them onto a silver chain that was once Rex's grandmothers. I've realized with the weight gain my feet no longer fit into my normal winter shoes but I'm too cheap to buy new ones so I may be wearing tennis shoes a lot this winter.
Everything else is going great. School is almost over for me thank goodness! I'll be done with classes the first week in December. I'll take my Principal Certification test in January and then start looking for jobs. I don't expect anything this year, being 8 months pregnant and looking for a job isn't really ideal.
Thank you all for your support in this tough time. It's meant a lot to me over the past few weeks.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
A Final Goodbye and a First Hello...
Last night, November 10, 2008, my grandfather passed away. After a long battle with emphysema and a short battle with pancreatic cancer he is with God.
This past Thursday I got a call from Meredith to get home as soon as I could. I'm so happy my sister called. I flew up to OKC Thursday night and I got to spend all day Friday with him talking and laughing as we always had. No, he has not been the same Grandpa for a long time but for that glimpse of time he was there in the present. He talked to my belly and I teared up. I'm so sorry he is going to miss the baby's welcome into the world but so happy he knows I'm pregnant. He told my Granny he only wished he could see that baby. She told him he will. Matter of fact he would be the first to see the baby and tell it stories about what a wonderful it will live. He winked and smiled at her. If only he knew what was up his granddaughters' sleeves. Meredith mentioned we should contact a place to do an ultrasound and find out the gender.
Saturday morning came without much change in Grandpa. He was still in and out of it. At noon we walked in to get the ultrasound. We will be welcoming Astoria Annette Kleckner into this world in April. The ultrasound was surreal. I now wish I had a machine to keep an eye on her in there. The first call I made was to Granny to pass on the news. Now Grandpa will know who to keep an eye on up there. I hope the nickname Toad will be to her liking. It's going to be hard to explain to her how such a great man gave her the name Toad. But then again I was given Turkey for the past 29 years.
Sunday was a hard day. He had a bad episode in the morning and was not conscious the rest of the day or when I left that evening. It was so hard to leave yet I knew I couldn't do much for anyone there. I almost felt as if I was a burden to those around. All I could manage to do was cry. Rex and I made the trip home without much noise. I'm not much of a talker when it comes to things like this.
Granny called that night once we were home to let me know she would match the money Grandpa had given the great-grandchildren a couple of months ago. The money will go to Astoria's crib. It will grow with her forever and she will know it was a gift from her Grandpa.
Monday, today, was uneventful in OKC. The stats were unchanged. Then tonight at 11pm I got the call from Mom. He was gone. I know he is in a better place with no pain but boy do I miss him already. It's hard to think I'll never hear his whistle again or listen to him tell the story of Meredith and I dancing in the airport. Don't worry though Grandpa, Astoria will always know to pick up the phone and call, she'll never have to explain why I should come and get her from somewhere. You granted me that security and I will pass it on to her. I love you.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Father's Wish.....Brings On A Mother's Tear
I found this on Rex's MySpace page, not on accident since MySpace is a public place, but just as I was leaving a message to tell him how much I love him. His worry's remind me why I love him so much......
Oct 10, 2008 4:27 AM
A Parent’s Wish
I can't help but think about my future child and the smile I get when I see my wife with the doppler/baby finder thing and she finds the baby's heartbeat inside her. All day long I pray to God that my child have a better life than I have and hope that all the pain and death I have gone through in my life have some how been penance for my child so that they may have the perfect life. I hope to never hear the words that my child has 24 hours to live if they are lucky as my mother had to bear from the doctor that delivered me. I hope I never have to explain why God chose some of us to go through extreme pain, such as cancer, and why some lived and others died, as my mother did to me when I was just a teenager. I pray my child never has to bury their first love six feet below and never see them again to smile. I definitely want my child to never turn to the bottle as a pain reliever as I did in their troubled times.
I hope my child will be braver than I am when it comes to following their dreams no matter how expensive that dream may be. I will push my child to become the person that he/she wants to be, I love my parents like no other, but I wish they would have been harder on me to succeed. I want to teach my child that failure doesn't exist, only lessons learned from life is all that happens. It makes me anxious and nervous because I know my actions will reflect on my child and that is the personality they mirror.
Thank GOD my wife is brilliant, tough and an objective person because any child from my loins will need those traits! I want my child to learn from their mother that actions before thinking aren't always the brightest ideas like daddy does and that's why daddy ends up in the ER.
I feel better now,
Good night.
Rex
My sister's response,
An Aunt's Wish,
I wish that my future nephew/niece has the perfect life as well. She/he has the perfect parents to raise her. One completely dedicated, strong, and independent. The other carefree, humourous, and passionate. Between all of those traits, the baby will either be a hellion or a great asset to the world.
Calm your worries... as I have recently discovered, worrying about baby in the womb is so much easier than worrying about baby outside in the real world. Every car trip, every doctor's visist, every cough, every sneeze.
You will make an excellent daddy just as you have made an excellent husband.I
also hope your child knows no excessive pain. But once again, all of that pain, suffering, and mistakes have made YOU who YOU are. The man who married my sister, the man who is in my life, the man who made my newest family member.
We all love you and little Toad. Yes, times will always be scary and you're heart will forever live outside you.
My response,
A Wife's/Mother's Prayer:
I first prayed I would meet someone who could even stand to be around me and all of my moodiness. I then prayed to find someone who was different than me so I wouldn't be boring the rest of my life. You walked into my life and I couldn't have asked for more. You have stood by me through thick and thin these past three years and yet you're still standing, the biggest feat anyone has done in my life other than my family.
A year passes in our marriage and I begin praying that all of the bad things that touched you in your past have not killed off our chance to bring a little one into this world. God answers prayers. Only two months pass and we get the best 'positive' of our life thus far. Although we may never be out of the woods due to both of our genetics we can only pray that with both of our prayers we will never hear those words your mother once heard.
As my sister mentioned it's much easier to be worried about a baby in the womb than in the outside world but I do believe that together WE can do this. It is no longer about our past lives it's about our life from here on out!
Your wife and the future mother of our child.
Oct 10, 2008 4:27 AM
A Parent’s Wish
I can't help but think about my future child and the smile I get when I see my wife with the doppler/baby finder thing and she finds the baby's heartbeat inside her. All day long I pray to God that my child have a better life than I have and hope that all the pain and death I have gone through in my life have some how been penance for my child so that they may have the perfect life. I hope to never hear the words that my child has 24 hours to live if they are lucky as my mother had to bear from the doctor that delivered me. I hope I never have to explain why God chose some of us to go through extreme pain, such as cancer, and why some lived and others died, as my mother did to me when I was just a teenager. I pray my child never has to bury their first love six feet below and never see them again to smile. I definitely want my child to never turn to the bottle as a pain reliever as I did in their troubled times.
I hope my child will be braver than I am when it comes to following their dreams no matter how expensive that dream may be. I will push my child to become the person that he/she wants to be, I love my parents like no other, but I wish they would have been harder on me to succeed. I want to teach my child that failure doesn't exist, only lessons learned from life is all that happens. It makes me anxious and nervous because I know my actions will reflect on my child and that is the personality they mirror.
Thank GOD my wife is brilliant, tough and an objective person because any child from my loins will need those traits! I want my child to learn from their mother that actions before thinking aren't always the brightest ideas like daddy does and that's why daddy ends up in the ER.
I feel better now,
Good night.
Rex
My sister's response,
An Aunt's Wish,
I wish that my future nephew/niece has the perfect life as well. She/he has the perfect parents to raise her. One completely dedicated, strong, and independent. The other carefree, humourous, and passionate. Between all of those traits, the baby will either be a hellion or a great asset to the world.
Calm your worries... as I have recently discovered, worrying about baby in the womb is so much easier than worrying about baby outside in the real world. Every car trip, every doctor's visist, every cough, every sneeze.
You will make an excellent daddy just as you have made an excellent husband.I
also hope your child knows no excessive pain. But once again, all of that pain, suffering, and mistakes have made YOU who YOU are. The man who married my sister, the man who is in my life, the man who made my newest family member.
We all love you and little Toad. Yes, times will always be scary and you're heart will forever live outside you.
My response,
A Wife's/Mother's Prayer:
I first prayed I would meet someone who could even stand to be around me and all of my moodiness. I then prayed to find someone who was different than me so I wouldn't be boring the rest of my life. You walked into my life and I couldn't have asked for more. You have stood by me through thick and thin these past three years and yet you're still standing, the biggest feat anyone has done in my life other than my family.
A year passes in our marriage and I begin praying that all of the bad things that touched you in your past have not killed off our chance to bring a little one into this world. God answers prayers. Only two months pass and we get the best 'positive' of our life thus far. Although we may never be out of the woods due to both of our genetics we can only pray that with both of our prayers we will never hear those words your mother once heard.
As my sister mentioned it's much easier to be worried about a baby in the womb than in the outside world but I do believe that together WE can do this. It is no longer about our past lives it's about our life from here on out!
Your wife and the future mother of our child.
What An Incrediable Weekend!
This has been one of the busiest weekends in a long time! Meredith and Olivia came in on Thursday and met me at school for lunch. Friday she came back up to school to 'teach' my students how to make 'dirt babies'. I'm sure many of them will remind me on Monday how awesome my sister is. What they wouldn't give more more arts and craft time in school!Friday night we all went to the fair. By we I mean Meredith, Olivia, myself, Bree, Sara, Greyson, and Lorelei. It was fun. Going to the fair with that many kids makes for an interesting evening of trying to navigate through lots of people with two strollers. Mere and I did indulge in a corn dog and some fried smores! It was a blast.
Saturday morning we got up around 8:30 because that's when Olivia got up and we went and had breakfast with Rex at Hubbards, a local favorite. Mere, Olivia, and I then went garage selling in my cousin's neighborhood, Woodbridge. We found me a swing that plugs in (save $$ on batteries) a floor gym, and a few maternity shirts. Then we went to a pumpkin patch to try and get some cute photos of Olivia. She didn't really care for the pumpkins and only a few were taken. Other than that it was a beautiful day and Olivia was a perfect baby. After a trip home for a nap we were out and about again to the outlet malls in Allen. We found lots of cute clothes for Olivia (I can only hope for a girl). For dinner we drove clear down to south Mesquite to eat at Johnny Carrino's because Meredith proceeded to tell me how wonderful it was and I'd never been. Never tell a pregnant person how wonderful something is without planning on acting on giving it to her. It was a long drive but an excellent meal :) We got home late and crashed but not before we tried to find Toad's heartbeat. Lately this has been very easy. We didn't find it and I had horrible dreams. We decided we'd try again in the morning.
So this morning with my bladder full we tried again. Turns out Toad has moved to the other side of my belly which is why we probably couldn't find it last night. The heartbeat was fast and strong at 157 bpm. Thank goodness!
Friday is my next appointment. I'm officially 16 weeks along now. A month from now we'll know whether or not we'll be shopping for blue or pink! I can't wait!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
How Time Flies!
I just realized it's been almost a month since I've been on here last. Life is so busy these days. Yesterday I officially entered my 2nd trimester. I'm 14 weeks along. This past week on Wednesday I heard Toad's heartbeat on my own with a home doppler machine. The doctor didn't think I'd be able to until about week 20 but who can wait that long to give it a try? So I found it. Still beating at about 158 beats per minute. I called Meredith, my parents, and my grandparents. Poor Rex wasn't home but I left him a voice mail with the message and the heartbeat. It was so reassuring to hear it! Now that I know where to look I've found it a few more times as well. It's a very soothing noise.
I also went shopping for the first time for maternity clothes. So far I've been lucky enough to have clothes from Meredith and Sara but both of them are shorter than me so I needed to find some jeans. Luckily enough I found some and they are pretty cute I think! I also found some cute shirts to go along. All of them still have plenty of room for me to grow into so hopefully I won't have to buy more before it's all over, haha.
This past week also lead to more surprises at school. Turns out there are 5 pregnant teachers this year! I have the earliest due date but everyone else follows along about every three weeks. It's crazy but it should be fun to compare bellies with others.
Meredith is coming down this next weekend for her fall break. I can't wait. It's been a while since anyone has visited me down here. She's going to come on the train on Thursday and then come up to school for a while on Friday. At some point we're going to fit in a trip to the fair. It's the last weekend so she's making it just in time!
All in all things are going very well. I'm not really experiencing any more nausea and today I had enough energy to clean the entire house. I don't just mean clean, I mean clean. I even cleaned off the ceiling fans. It was soooo gross. I don't know how we've lived with it being so dirty, oh wait maybe it's because today is the first day I've felt like I've had any energy :)
Anyway all is well here. We scheduled the 20 week ultrasound on November 21st (which will actually be 21 weeks but the family will be down for Thanksgiving). So we'll all be praying for some open legs on that day!
I also went shopping for the first time for maternity clothes. So far I've been lucky enough to have clothes from Meredith and Sara but both of them are shorter than me so I needed to find some jeans. Luckily enough I found some and they are pretty cute I think! I also found some cute shirts to go along. All of them still have plenty of room for me to grow into so hopefully I won't have to buy more before it's all over, haha.
This past week also lead to more surprises at school. Turns out there are 5 pregnant teachers this year! I have the earliest due date but everyone else follows along about every three weeks. It's crazy but it should be fun to compare bellies with others.
Meredith is coming down this next weekend for her fall break. I can't wait. It's been a while since anyone has visited me down here. She's going to come on the train on Thursday and then come up to school for a while on Friday. At some point we're going to fit in a trip to the fair. It's the last weekend so she's making it just in time!
All in all things are going very well. I'm not really experiencing any more nausea and today I had enough energy to clean the entire house. I don't just mean clean, I mean clean. I even cleaned off the ceiling fans. It was soooo gross. I don't know how we've lived with it being so dirty, oh wait maybe it's because today is the first day I've felt like I've had any energy :)
Anyway all is well here. We scheduled the 20 week ultrasound on November 21st (which will actually be 21 weeks but the family will be down for Thanksgiving). So we'll all be praying for some open legs on that day!
Friday, September 19, 2008
A Little Bit of Fall
It's been beautiful here in Garland this past week, almost fall like. Today I had the privilege as a science teacher to take my students out for them to relish in the sunshine! We recently started a garden at school and the students will be the main ones in charge of maintaining it. They will be in the club called the Ethridge Discovery Garden Engineers. We took the opportunity today to go out and sit in the garden soak up some sunshine, it was wonderful.
Daily life is good. I'm not getting as sick as I used to. Morning sickness has almost replaced my evening sickness episodes. I'm proud to say that there is no throwing up just lots of nausea or an overall feeling of blahness (if that's a word). Thursday is my next appointment and I'm hoping we'll be able to hear a heartbeat on the doppler machine. I'm taking mine as well to see if it will pick up one too. Then we'll be headed to OKC to visit the family for Grandpa's birthday on Friday.
All in all it's been very busy here but busy with things that take up time and not necessarily worth writing about.
I did go to a giant baby sale a couple of weeks ago with friends and found a stroller/carseat combo for about half the price it retails for in stores. It also matches my pack and play that I bought for Olivia when she comes to visit. So our first 'real' piece of baby gear, it was a very exciting purchase!
Tomorrow will be 11 weeks! It's amazing how time flies!
Daily life is good. I'm not getting as sick as I used to. Morning sickness has almost replaced my evening sickness episodes. I'm proud to say that there is no throwing up just lots of nausea or an overall feeling of blahness (if that's a word). Thursday is my next appointment and I'm hoping we'll be able to hear a heartbeat on the doppler machine. I'm taking mine as well to see if it will pick up one too. Then we'll be headed to OKC to visit the family for Grandpa's birthday on Friday.
All in all it's been very busy here but busy with things that take up time and not necessarily worth writing about.
I did go to a giant baby sale a couple of weeks ago with friends and found a stroller/carseat combo for about half the price it retails for in stores. It also matches my pack and play that I bought for Olivia when she comes to visit. So our first 'real' piece of baby gear, it was a very exciting purchase!
Tomorrow will be 11 weeks! It's amazing how time flies!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Reflection on my day and perhaps my life......
What a day it has been! As you all know I love to sleep in and don't worry this morning I had the opportunity to do that until Isabelle (the cat) wanted to be outside and my bladder wanted to be emptied. However, that was when the good day ended. Forget morning sickness, today I had all day sickness! I've eaten, I've napped, I've drank lemonade, I've taken tums, ginger, and don't worry I've had my daily movement. It's still here even at 9:30 at night. I'm hoping I go to bed and tomorrow morning the sickness is gone - at least this episode. I'm well aware that at about 8pm every night it will return but no more of this all day stuff PLEASE!!!
Anyway, since I was laid up all day I did get the chance to read the chapter for the classes I'm taking. If you don't know, I'm finishing up my last semester at Texas A&M - Commerce to receive my Administrator's Certificate. This will allow me to become a principal when the time is right. So of my last two classes one of them is my internship (i.e. on some days I get to pretend to be a principal at school) and the other is more like a reflection class to sum up all of the other classes I've taken over the past 2 1/2 years.
Anyway, since I was laid up all day I did get the chance to read the chapter for the classes I'm taking. If you don't know, I'm finishing up my last semester at Texas A&M - Commerce to receive my Administrator's Certificate. This will allow me to become a principal when the time is right. So of my last two classes one of them is my internship (i.e. on some days I get to pretend to be a principal at school) and the other is more like a reflection class to sum up all of the other classes I've taken over the past 2 1/2 years.
We're currently reading the book Caring Enough to Lead by Leonard Pellicer (see above). This weeks chapter really hit home for me. Each week we have to write a reflection about the chapter. Although you haven't read the book I think you'll get the gist of what the author is talking about as you read my reflection for this week:
This chapter discusses the importance of finding acts to let us know we are on the path to becoming the person that we want to become. I agree with the author, we need to take the time to reflect on the reasons we do the things we do and say the things we say to those around us. I feel the people that deserve the most attention from us are sometimes short changed due to our busy schedules.
This chapter really hit home for me. Most of my family lives in Oklahoma City and I get the opportunity to visit them about once a month. Why not more often? The reasons are endless and perhaps not so worthwhile. This summer we learned that my grandfather is dying from pancreatic cancer. The number of visits have not increased but the time I spend with him on those visits has. The author mentioned he continued to visit Bob monthly because “the monthly visits restored a little dignity to Bob, by somehow acknowledging that this wonderful human being still existed somewhere inside that spent body.” As I reflected on this statement I began to wonder if this is why I continue to visit my grandfather. “It can’t be,” I thought to myself. The self reflection began. My grandfather instilled in all of us that we could do anything we put our mind to. He never questioned why I first chose a male dominated career or when I changed careers, why I became a teacher. He knew I had thought it all out and these decisions would make me happy. He never questioned. This ‘signpost’ of him getting cancer has made me reflect on whether or not I am on my chosen path to becoming the human being that I want to become. Sometimes reflection is hard, yet I must remember “that it’s all about the journey, not the destination”.
This chapter discusses the importance of finding acts to let us know we are on the path to becoming the person that we want to become. I agree with the author, we need to take the time to reflect on the reasons we do the things we do and say the things we say to those around us. I feel the people that deserve the most attention from us are sometimes short changed due to our busy schedules.
This chapter really hit home for me. Most of my family lives in Oklahoma City and I get the opportunity to visit them about once a month. Why not more often? The reasons are endless and perhaps not so worthwhile. This summer we learned that my grandfather is dying from pancreatic cancer. The number of visits have not increased but the time I spend with him on those visits has. The author mentioned he continued to visit Bob monthly because “the monthly visits restored a little dignity to Bob, by somehow acknowledging that this wonderful human being still existed somewhere inside that spent body.” As I reflected on this statement I began to wonder if this is why I continue to visit my grandfather. “It can’t be,” I thought to myself. The self reflection began. My grandfather instilled in all of us that we could do anything we put our mind to. He never questioned why I first chose a male dominated career or when I changed careers, why I became a teacher. He knew I had thought it all out and these decisions would make me happy. He never questioned. This ‘signpost’ of him getting cancer has made me reflect on whether or not I am on my chosen path to becoming the human being that I want to become. Sometimes reflection is hard, yet I must remember “that it’s all about the journey, not the destination”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
